How to make self-care a habit

Do you keep telling yourself to do yoga, meditate, exercise, eat healthy, read books etc., yet as soon as “life happens,” those are the exact habits that fall by the wayside? Then try this... 

Make self-care your hobby

When meditation was still an item on my to-do list, the practice often felt hollow. Rather than meditating with joy, it became a burdensome task I wanted to get over with. The same applied to exercise, which soon turned into a “must.” In my experience, this instrumental approach to self-care is counterproductive.

Once I started treating meditation and exercise as hobbies rather than to-dos, my mindset shifted. I stopped skipping sessions - not because of increased discipline, but because of a genuine desire to meditate and move. Moreover, I began identifying as "someone who meditates in their spare time", leveraging my sense of self for intrinsic motivation.

"But what if I don’t want to make [insert common healthy habit here] my hobby?"

Then don’t. Self-care isn’t about forcing yourself to follow generic wellness practices. Instead, ask yourself:

• What actually makes me feel good?

• What do I look forward to doing?

• What’s realistic for me right now?

You can answer these questions in the form of a Venn diagram to identify your “sweet spot”: the intersection of what’s good for you, what’s enjoyable, and what’s doable. This is where sustainable self-care habits live.

What exactly that entails will change over time. Not only is that okay, but it's expected. Since you evolve and change as a person, it’s crucial to remain flexible and avoid forcing a habit beyond the point where it served you. Signs that a self-care habit has turned sour include:

1. When it becomes a numbers game (“How many times did I meditate this week?”).

2. When you feel anxious about skipping a day (compulsion isn’t self-care).

In the following, we'll explore the three dimensions of the Venn diagram in more detail. 

How to desire what's good for you

I believe self-care should feel good. Yet, a critique I often hear is that people either don't know or enjoy what's good for them. This implies that personal desires are a bad compass for self-care habits. I humbly disagree. 

While I highlight the "care" in self-care (so as to not turn self-care into self-punishment) I don't suggest that self-care habits are always easy. Luckily, just because something isn't easy doesn't mean it isn't intrinsically rewarding: Meditation isn't always easy, yet I like the way it makes me feel - and so I desire it despite it being difficult at times. More precisely, I like the way my meditation practice makes me feel. It's about making it your own, rather than forcing yourself into a generic mold. 

If you can't possibly seem to find something that is both fun and good for you at the same time, you might need to learn and experiment a bit more, alternatively customize a healthy activity to make it intrinsically motivating, too. Indeed, you might very well love [insert generic, healthy self-care habit here] if you practiced it in a slightly different way. Read this blog post to see how I applied this to lifting weights. 

Identifying what you look forward to

The simplest way to know what you’ll consistently do is to notice what excites you. Indeed, a lack of motivation can often be traced back to a lack of enjoyment (or energy). Think about the moments when you feel a spark of anticipation – it might be as unspectacular as curling up with a book, going for a walk in fresh air, or staring at the ceiling while listening to music.

One practical exercise is to track your daily mood for a week. Each evening, jot down the activities that genuinely lifted your spirits or gave you a sense of satisfaction. After a few days, patterns will emerge: maybe you always feel good after calling a friend, stretching or cooking a nourishing meal.

It’s also worth asking yourself:

• If I had a free hour right now, what would I looove to do?

• What activities make me lose track of time?

• What would I do even if nobody told me it was healthy or productive?

• What did I do for enjoyment as a child?

Often, the best self-care habits are the ones that already come naturally but haven’t been recognized as valid forms of self-care. For example, journaling, painting, gardening or playful movement might serve you far better than forcing yourself into a gym routine you dread.

By identifying these “look-forward-to” activities, you’ll naturally increase the likelihood that your self-care is sustainable - exactly because you enjoy it.

Embracing and expanding what's realistic

Realism isn't just about settling - it's also about expanding what's possible! This starts with an honest account of your current circumstances, including both internal and external resources. For instance, how much money, time and energy do you have available for leisure activities (aka self-care)?

At first glance, your resources may appear very limited. Yet with further introspection, you might be able to free up more space than you realized, whether by repurposing screen time or making existing routines more soulful. 

Need help exploring what's possible? Book a coaching session. 

Invitation: Look at the intersection of your Venn diagram and choose at least one of your self-care practices to perform on a regular basis. Make the necessary practical arrangements, schedule it in your calendar and let me know in three months how it's going! 

Habit formation

Self-determination theory shows we’re more likely to sustain behaviors that feel intrinsically motivating - aligned with our values and interests - rather than those done out of guilt or obligation. Likewise, habit research by BJ Fogg and James Clear finds that habits thrive when they are small, enjoyable, and tied to our identity rather than sheer willpower. Assuming that you're able to identify self-care habits that are both good for you, enjoyable and realistic, here are some final tools that will help to make habit formation smoother:

• Reduce friction: Make your chosen practice convenient (e.g., leave your yoga mat out or prep a cozy reading nook).

• Add friction to alternatives: Make distractions less accessible (e.g., log out of social media or keep snacks out of sight).

• Identity-based habits: Remind yourself, “I’m someone who takes care of myself in ways that feel good.”

• Create community: Surround yourself with people who support and normalize the habits you want, whether that’s a friend to walk with, a book club or a yoga class.

If you can't find an accountability buddy in real life, sign up for my 1:1 or group coaching program!