How to accept what you look like
The fight against my body didn’t end because I achieved my “dream physique”, but because I accepted the body I have. Likewise, food freedom came after accepting my body, not the other way around. But how do you accept your body? The most common tips consist of unfollowing negative influences, honoring your heritage and practicing gratitude (focusing on function over form). While these are great tools, they don't address the root cause of why you wish your body to be different in the first place. In this article, I outline the strategy and mindset shifts that changed my life.
Shifting your values
The fight against your body can occur from holding onto ideals that are 1) unhealthy for your body and mind, 2) unattainable with your genetics and/or 3) require a lifestyle that you don’t actually want. Conversely, ending the fight against your body starts with recognizing that you’ll never be able to maintain a physique that's 1) unhealthy for your body and mind, 2) unattainable or 3) unenjoyable. Hence why you yo-yo when you try nevertheless. It follows that, in order to accept your body, you need to change your values.
You cannot accept what you deem unacceptable. There's no change in perspective without a change in values.
Instead of being blinded by what’s 1) unhealthy, 2) unattainable or 3) unenjoyable, you want to value what's healthy, attainable (exciting yet realistic!) and enjoyable (feel free to adjust the wording and add values that align with you). Identifying what this means in practice is often a matter of education and intuition. In the context of eating, this might look like eating what you crave when you crave it, while sprinkling some gentle nutrition on top (both figuratively and literally speaking). You can also doodle a Venn diagram and see how your values overlap. What's the sweet spot?
Sufficing with what's best
What you consider "good" and "bad" is determined by your values. The same extends to "good, better, best". Therefore, your definition of "best" changes as your values do. By reinforcing your (new) priorities of health, attainability and enjoyability, you'll naturally detach from your “ideal” physique (one that might be pretty but fundamentally out of alignment with your values) and suffice with your best physique. That is, the look that results as you live a life that's in line with your values: healthy, attainable and enjoyable. Indeed, I don’t consider myself a 10/10 and I don’t have to be. All I want is to align with my values and, by my own definition, look my best as a result.
Aligning with your values means that you might never live up to some “objective” beauty standard. However, the point is that it won’t matter, because you’re busy doing what's best - not according to somebody else, but to you.
Developing as a person
Aligning with your values (healthy, attainable and enjoyable) isn't an overnight shift. For instance, you might not know what's healthy or what you enjoy yet. Learning this is a matter of continual research, introspection, experimentation and evaluation. In other words, personal development.
Shift your focus from your external shell to your internal qualities instead: Who are you as a daughter, sister, friend, lover, mother, professional, hobbyist and human being? How might you show up in these roles in ways that are out of alignment with your values? What qualities and skills would you like to develop to solidify your values in these areas of your life? Practicing your version of what's best will lead to positive spillovers and manifest in your external reality too. After all, it's all connected.
In summary, accepting your body is a result of adopting and practicing beneficial values, where concerns of aesthetics are overshadowed by the importance of who you are, as well as how you live. Therefore, my best advice for achieving body acceptance is to introspect, consciously choose values that serve you and then align with them through practice, thus growing as a person. Indeed, the fight against my body didn’t end because I achieved my “dream physique”, but because I accepted the body I happen to have, while creating a life that I love. Want to take the holistic route too?
